Dear God,

"God, please not me". You expect life to go one way, you expect life to play out as best as you can make it. In the end you realize that as much as you are the father that your role is to support and protect, there are some things you can't protect them from. There are some things that the world throws your way that you can't see and you have no way of stopping.

I can't keep my girls safe today, all i can do is sit back watch the pain they share, the body that they inhabit become their prison, their battlefield, and all i can think is: Women and children don't fight wars, it's my job to protect my family from every threat. Not the girls, my girls are supposed to be safe at home.

I'm being given a crash course in the strength my mother has had hidden in her. A strength I experienced on a few rare occasions that i was to young to appreciate. Too young to remember when my brother was hospitalized for appendicitis and my mother stayed with him for days, too young to remember how she reacted when i needed stitches on my head, never able to appreciate the hardship of raising three boys who never seemed to get along, who never seemed to care that they were actually related. I get the difficulty of being a peace maker in a house where everyone seems to dislike one another for shallow and selfish reasons.

What i didn't know was the strength she had in just having three children after losing one in the delivery room. How do you carry a child full term, lose it and carry on? How do you tell yourself that the next three times everything will be OK, that you're willing to endure the loss of more children. That is the strength my mother had, to lose a child, carry on to have three more, and struggle with their lives, their prejudices and fights. I get it, mom, i get why you always asked us to just get along, to not fight anymore, to just be brothers. We were just too young to understand that life is far more fragile than the supermen we wish we could be. In terms of superman we're not even close.

Superman is something that we all wish we could be, Superman is something that we all wish existed, because if he was real then we would have logical reason that it was even possible to spin the world backward and make everything ok, but that's superman. The only thing that can make you feel like superman is seeing your child's eyes staring back at you as you complete a task their little hearts and minds thought impossible, because they are children and they have no concept of reality, only the concept of their father being the greatest, strongest man in the world. Even superman couldn't make mommy's body keep you a few more weeks, even superman couldn't make you live longer or cure you from every disease, sometimes physical strength isn't enough.

In my faith i have refused what is expected from certain people to be the path followed, more so defied those that told me there was no god. I don't believe in god out of spite, i believe in god because i believe that there is good in the world, that there is hope and that miracles are never too far from the realms of logical thought. I have had enough life experiences to know when things are grim, when you want to give up on everything when it looks so bleak. All i can do now is pray, because there is no superman, no universal cure, no way to make sure everything is going to be alright. Firm in my faith, firm in my hopes and dreams, expectations and desires. Sometimes the answer is NO. It can't always be yes, it can't always be everything you wanted. Sometimes god needs you more than we need you. I may not have the oppurtunity in this life to hold you and I may not get to see those big eyes look at me in complete awe and wonder or feel your little hand try to hold me tight. But until you no longer have a beat in your heart and breath in your lungs i will pray for that answer to be yes.

God save my wife and daughter,
God let them have healthy normal lives,
God please don't make me say goodbye to the little girl i hardly know,
God please help us pull through.

If you need them more than I do, then i understand, I understand that the things you have in mind are greater than anything i can comprehend. If you need them more than I do, i know you'll take good care of them, I know they'll be happy. If you need them more than I do, tell them that their Husband and daddy loves them very much, tell them he will always carry them in his heart, they will be in everything thing he does and every moment of his life. Tell them to wait for me, tell them to watch over me, tell them to help me. God if you need them more than I do, help me find the strength to move on. Whatever happens today, I know you have a plan.

God please don't take my wife away,
God please don't take my daughter away,
God please don't take my girls away.

Sincerely,
Jorge Corpeno
Loving Father and husband